Most of us are familiar with the great Love passage of the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not envy,
is not boastful, is not conceited,
⁵ does not act improperly,
is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
⁶ Love finds no joy in unrighteousness
but rejoices in the truth.
⁷ It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never ends.

But how do we demonstrate our kindness, patience and unselfishness? When it comes down to showing love to others every day, especially spouses, family and friends, it can be a little more tricky. People give and receive love differently and have different preferences. And if there is a disconnect, the relationship can be strained. Consider these loving acts:

• A spouse spent all day defrosting and cooking a roast with all the trimmings.

• On her birthday, kids gave their Mom a big hug and a handmade card.

• A husband made a special trip to gas up the car and vacuum it out.

• A wife saw a gadget she knew her husband could use and picked it up as a gift.

• Parents told their teen how proud they were of their accomplishments or success in school.

Objectively, these are all loving things, or at least not offensive things. However, consider ‘the rest of the story…’

• A spouse spent all day defrosting and cooking a roast with all the trimmings. But the other spouse had started a diet, so made a separate meal for themselves. For the spouse who had cooked, food was love, so a rejection of the meal felt like a rejection of themselves.

• On her birthday, kids gave their Mom a big hug and a handmade card. But that particular Mom found physical affection uncomfortable, and although the card was nice, she would have preferred it if the kids had cleaned their rooms.

• A husband made a special trip to gas up the car and vacuum it out. But that wife didn’t care much about the car and would rather have spent that time taking a walk together.

• A wife saw a gadget she knew her husband could use and picked it up as a gift. But her husband was more concerned about saving money and could have done without the gadget. He would have been happier just to hear “I love you.”

• Parents told their teen how proud they were of their accomplishments or success in school. And although the teen appreciated it, they would really have liked a hug or a family game night more.

The problem is that we all speak different “Love Languages.” According to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages, everyone has a unique combination of preferences for the way they experience feeling loved. People may prefer Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch or Acts of Service. When we understand what ‘love language’ our spouse, family and friends ‘speak,’ we are better able to give them what they need to feel loved. And similarly, if we understand what is more meaningful to us, we can communicate that to our loved ones so they can better love us. Of course, it can be a challenge if love languages aren’t so compatible. However, that’s where the patience, unselfishness and bearing all things comes in.

When it comes to the Lord, He loves to give and receive love in all of the languages except perhaps physical touch, although Holy Communion and the moving of the Holy Spirit could be considered physical. Certainly, He loves to hear and shower us with words of affirmation. He definitely is a gift giver and wants us to be cheerful givers as well. He is always available to spend quality time us in worship, prayer and meditation. And He loves to serve us as much as He loves us to serve Him by serving others.

As you consider Valentine’s Day gifts or think on ways to bless your friends or family, consider also their ‘love language.’ What action, activity or gift would really make THEIR day? And consider, too, what action, activity or gift would really excite you? What makes you feel the most loved? Don’t keep it a secret! If you’d like a little help, you can try out the Love Language quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes. You might be surprised at what is really most meaningful to you – I was.

Toujour l’amour,

Jen